April is creeping up on me. And I'm rather excited because I have a lot planned. Rush, Surviving Johnson City Night, New Doctor Who Series, MTAC, Japanapalooza, and the debut of my first nerdcore/nerd metal song. So I have a lot going for me.
However, I'm seriously thinking about getting rid of one event, and that would be MTAC. Don't get me wrong, I really want to go, but I have no place to stay, no tickets yet, and not the biggest love of anime. I love some of the older stuff and maybe a little of the newer, but after April became a part of my life, I had a vast 360 and changed my life. I was into Anime before her, I was playing DnD, I was doing Halo lan parties, I was being a nerd. Then she became a part of my life and I changed without either of us really knowing.
I'm sure school played a part in that, too, but I'm not really sure at this point.
Needless to say, I feel like I'm going to be...well, alone most of the time in that con. Which isn't necessarily a bad thing (I'm mostly going to scope the music and nerd panels there and the concerts, but I don't know what else I'm going to do), but this does lead me into something that I honestly feel right now.
See, I met a lot of good friends at GMX last year from my friend Alex. We all cosplayed as Doctor Who and Firefly and it was completely awesome...HOWEVER, I didn't know anyone in that group other than Alex. But I quickly gained their friendship and hung out with them a lot.
Yes, I talk to them more, but I still feel out of place among the group. Maybe it's because 1/2 of the male population of that group, or it's something else deep inside...something lurking within that I cannot control. Or it's just that I'm a male stuck in a shitty non-nerdy town that's exactly like a Revenge of the Nerds plot...except I'm not in Lambda Lambda Lambda.
So, I feel almost useless here...But I just digressed from the point.
I have a choice to make now. Alex's friend Mary, who played the TARDIS and Mal(?), has a birthday party this week...Saturday to be exact. I don't know where and I don't know the exact time, but I was invited and I said no. Mostly because I live 4+ hours away and simply cannot afford the gas.
However, I have a Rush show that night, too. It was supposed to be on the 1st, but got delayed until the 2nd (Damn, that's one hell of an April Fool's joke). Needless to say, I don't know what to do...
I can go to Rush, or go to Mary's party...
But this kind of brings an error to me mostly because I don't know how I would honestly feel at Mary's party. I would feel like the [insert outcast fallacy here] or the sad drunk, mostly because that's how I really feel right now. I don't think I would be a good part of that because I just don't see things ending in a good way..
...much like how I kinda feel like when I think about MTAC right now. So now I'm debating about MTAC as well because I feel like a lonely lost soul who's just there because 'some other friends are and I somehow got dragged along'. Granted, I would have fun there, but the downtimes seem to bother me.
See, at GMX, there was a place to game and watch others game...I don't know what MTAC has to offer, and I'm a little iffy about taking the plunge...ESPECIALLY if I don't have a place to stay, other than my car. With it being less than 20 days away, you can probably see my complex issues.
So, I really don't know what I should do at this current moment because I almost would feel like an outcast amongst that group. They all went to college together, they all are besties and talk amongst each other on FB and skype, and I seem to be left amongst the dust.
/forever alone
However, that's how I feel at the current moment...alone. More on that later because it's going to be insanely emo and emotional, and could very well put me into a bad scenario.......if people actually read this shit. Judging by the replies (which there is NONE), I assume no one does.
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